Your Kids Questions on LGBTQ
June is Pride month and I thought that might be a good time to talk a little bit about answering your kids questions about LGBTQ. My oldest, Ella was about 3 years old when she started to ask questions about romantic relationships. She started to think about why people fall in love and what that means to her and to others. And of course, she started asking me questions. One night we were laying in bed snuggling and talking and she turned to me and asked me if boys kiss boys. I was curious about why she was asking this but decided it was important to just answer this one straight-up. I said, “Yes, some boys kiss boys. Some boys kiss girls. And some girls kiss girls and some girls kiss boys.” Then I asked her why she was asking. She really didn’t have an answer for me other than she just wanted to know. She had recently come back from a weekend with her older cousins and I suspected they may have been talking about something along these lines that she overheard. Since this conversation, we have had several more and she seems to be very accepting that everyone has a choice with whom they have romantic relationships.
Will you confuse them?
My husband and I have had several conversations about addressing these issues with our daughters. At the age they are now (2 and 5) it’s easy to talk about the different people that make up this world. Some people date the same gender, some date the opposite, some date both, and some people are still trying to figure it out. We treat it just like any other conversation about people’s differences. One concern my husband has is more about when they do start thinking about dating and how we can shepherd them through that period without confusing them. Will they struggle with their identity? As females, is it easier to question who you are attracted to? But questioning is not a bad thing. And exploring who they are is going to be part of their growth no matter what. And the fact is that an individual doesn’t choose to be gay or transgender or bisexual. It’s something that exists inside them, it’s fundamentally who they are. Even if our girls question, they will find their path and their identity, especially if we give them the space and freedom to do that. Having conversations is not going to push someone into being someone who they are not. But not having these conversations can make them feel like they need to hide who they are. We definitely have come a long way from when I was a teenager but we still have a lot of people that are not accepting and discriminate against the LGBTQ.
Common Questions
To me this is a really important conversation to have and to continue to have because it’s so important for me that both my daughters grow up being inclusive and understanding of difference we all have. I want them to show love always. And another important reason was that I want them to understand that if they ever have questions about their sexuality, that I will be open to talking to them and accepting of them no matter who they choose to love.
Here are a few questions that might come up with your kids and how you can answer them.
What is Gay?
Kids will hear this term in many different formats. It could be used properly to describe someone’s sexual orientation or it could be used as a way to disrespect another individual. When answering this question for your child, of course it’s important to explain what gay means but also important to address how that term should not be used. A person who is gay is an individual who is romantically interested in another person of their same gender. And yes, romantically interested is probably too advanced a term for a 5 year old. You can use the term love, date, or marry as well. While you are talking about the definition of gay, it’s a really good time to tell you child that using the term gay as a way to disrespect someone else is not ok. Here is how you might talk with you child about this term.
What is LGBTQ?
LGBTQ stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning. I know that many people have a hard time with this term and really understanding what each of the terms mean. Lesbian is a woman who dates woman. Gay is a man who dates men. Bisexual is an individual that dates both men and woman. Transgender is an individual that believes that their biological gender does not match who they really are and that individual lives as the gender that they believe matches who they are. Questioning is an individual that is not sure about their sexual orientation and are currently exploring where they feel comfortable. I think it’s great to talk to your kids about these differences especially to illustrate that there are so many different people but that fundamentally we are all human that want to be loved and want to love.
Same sex parents – Why does Johnny have two mommies?
As your kids start school, they will start to meet other kids that may have what to them looks like a different family unit than their own. I know when I pick up my daughter from school, she knows each of her classmates’ parents and is very observant about who drops off and picks up. Kids are very curious and very observant. If your child comes home asking about a two mommy or daddy household, it’s important to let you child know that there a many different types of families. Some have two mommies, some have two daddies, some kid’s parents are their grandparents, some kids are adopted, some kids have step parents. It’s great to set them up to understand that not all families will look like theirs, in fact many will look very differently. And what is important is that those people are loving the kids and helping to raise and protect them.
LGBTQ Resources
There are many wonderful organization that focus on LGBTQ rights and advocates for them. One such organization is called the Human Rights Campaign Foundation. If you need more information than I am giving here in this post, take a look at this organization and the information they provide.
