Why is Using Proper Sexual Terminology is Important

When our kids start learning to talk, we use the world around us to teach them words. We teach them that the furry animal in our house is a dog and it goes “woof.” We teach them that the clothes they wear to bed are pajamas. We teach them that the thing on their face that they use to eat is their mouth. We rarely rename things when our kids are learning to speak and we are trying to teaching them about the world. But that is not always true when we talk about our genitals. For some reason we like to rename them into something that makes the parents feel more comfortable, instead of using proper sexual terminology. But vagina and penis are not bad words. We don’t need to rename them. They are body parts and they are not anything our kids should feel embarrassed about. The act of renaming the genitals could give your child the impression that those are parts of their body that they should feel ashamed or embarrassed.

Try Not to Use Made Up Names

It’s a strange practice we do and I think it comes from parents being uncomfortable acknowledging that their children have vaginas and penises. But I think it’s important to use proper terms for genitals. I grew up with a Spanish speaking mom so we used terms that others didn’t use because they were in Spanish. But even in Spanish, the words were not the biological name for vagina and penis. I didn’t have that open communication about my body with my parents. It’s just not something that was part of my upbringing. And when I was a teenager, I was not familiar with my body at all. When I started having a period, I had no idea what was happening or what it meant. I believe that having a healthy outlook on your body, starts from using proper terminology and from open conversations about our bodies and how they work.

Using Proper Sexual Terminology Can Help Make Your Child More Comfortable

Anytime, I undress or change in front of my daughters it always sparks questions. They will look from my body to theirs and of course they are curious as to why we are both females but our bodies look so differently. When I was a counselor, it was easy for me to pull out some pictures and say, here is your vulva, labia, etc. But now I’m using my body as a map to teach my daughters. And I’ll tell you, it is not a comfortable thing to be on display like that! But I want them to be comfortable in their body so I remind myself that they are not judging me, they are just curious and want to learn about their own body.

My oldest has asked some funny questions and has pointed out thing about my body that could make me self-conscious but I’m always reminding myself that she is just curious and learning. Some of the questions from my oldest:

“Why are your nipples so big?”

“When will I get breasts?”

“Why do you have hair on your vagina?”

To my husband, “why are you so hairy?”  

My husband has tried to follow my lead on this one but as our oldest becomes more vocal and curious, it has become increasingly uncomfortable for him. He still dresses in front of them (mostly because when you have young children, you have no privacy!) but I think we are nearing a time when he will feel less and less comfortable. And that’s ok. As long as the conversations still happens, and questions are continued to be answered.

I encourage you to use proper sexual terminology with your kids and being open about genitals as much as you are about other body parts.  You can refer to my post on reproductive health resources for more ideas and tips.

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