How do I Answer my Child’s Questions About Sex
An eight-year old girls asks her dad, “Dad, what is sex?” The first thoughts that crossed her dad’s mind is “Oh shit, I’m not ready to have this talk with my daughter. How do I answer my child’s questions about sex? She is only 8, how does she already want to know about sex!” But instead of jumping into what he thinks the question is, the dad asks his daughter, “Where did you hear that word?” She says to him, “Someone asked me today what my sex is?”
I love how this story illustrates the importance of really understanding what your child is asking. Many times when our kids ask us questions, we just answer them without truly understanding where they are coming from. When it comes to these difficult questions about sex, it’s so important to really try to understand what they are asking. Additionally it’s critical to take into consideration what information they are ready for emotionally and mentally and what information they may already have. This is what is called meeting them where they are. And it’s so important when having conversations with your kids.
Where do Babies Come From
What do you think of when a kid asks, “Where do babies come from?” Your first thought might be sex. You might start thinking about having to description the act of sex to your kid and for many of you, this might not be something you’re ready to talk about. Well, it’s important first to truly understand why they are asking you this question. Did they see something on TV? Did a friend or relative recently have a baby? Were you talking about pregnancy? Many times when young kids ask this question, it’s truly about biology. They are learning about the world and are really curious about how everything functions. In the case of the where babies come from question, many times young kids just really want to know how the heck a baby could grow in someone’s stomach!? I mean, it is a crazy concept!
When my now 5 year old first asked me the where do babies came from question, it was after we had had our 2nd daughter, she would have been around 3. When she asked me this question, I stuck to just talking about biology. I told her about how women have eggs in their bodes and men have sperm. To make a baby, an egg and a sperm come together and attach to the uterus inside a woman’s body. That’s where the baby will grow for 9 months. I explained that we always talk about babies growing in the stomach but it’s actually in the woman’s uterus. I felt like it was important for her to understand that we have specific body parts that are used for growing babies. I didn’t want her to continue to think that babies are inside the stomach which could lead to confusion later. She took that information and processed it. She then was really curious about how the baby actually grows, so we talked about the process of cell division (on a 3 year old level) and how the baby is fed through the placenta. I never mentioned anything about sex. And she was satisfied with that answer (for now).
Its Okay Not to Have All the Answers
I don’t know it all, and sometimes Ella asks me questions in which I have to say, “I don’t know, let’s google it.” And we do it together. Of course, google is a whole other blog post… For now, just remember, being honest with your kids is the most important. And if you are not ready to answer a question, it’s ok to just take a step back from their question. If you need a little time to come up with an answer it’s ok to say, you know, I need a little bit of time to find the best answer for your question. Let me do a little research and then we can talk about it. But please, always return with an answer. It’s so important to build that trust and openness from the beginning.
I would love to hear about your difficult conversations or questions, please post in the comments section!
